Hallow
by anneryn7
Summary: I just feel tired of everything. Nothing is the same since Grams died. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel stuck. I can't move on with my life, and I can't move back. I have nowhere to go, and no one to turn to. *Bonnie/Damon*
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello all! This story takes place a few weeks after Grams' death. I was thinking about a bunch of different "what ifs" and got this nagging feeling to write this. Rated M for later Chapters. I'm not going to be able to update this one for awhile. I'm going to continue this one after my other Bonnie/Damon fic is finished. Hope you all enjoy it. Please review.**

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS (But I can dream)**

Chapter 1:

I let out a sigh of frustration. I just feel tired of everything. Nothing is the same since Grams died. Elena has been so caught up in Stefan I hardly see her anymore. When I do see her, it isn't the same. Nothing can make this empty feeling go away. Grams was the only family I had left. My Dad is always gone; sometimes it feels like I don't even have one. My mom died when I was a child. I've never felt more alone. I see Caroline, and she tries to help. Honestly, she doesn't know how. To tell the truth, I don't know how either. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel stuck. I can't move on with my life, and I can't move back. I have nowhere to go, and no one to turn to.

Although I scarcely see Elena, I seem to be spending the majority of my time in the Gilbert/Sommers household. Elena is rarely there. They have an extra bedroom, so that's where I stay most nights. I can't bear being alone in my house. Sometimes I stay at Caroline's, but most of the time, I'm here. It's become my bedroom, gradually. I spend a lot of time with Jenna and Jeremy. It turns out that Jenna is a lot like the older sister that I never had. And Jeremy… well, he's quickly become a best friend of mine. Dad knows that I stay here. I think that it bothered him at first, but I think he understands.

Stefan checks up on me. So does Elena, but I think that she's afraid to do anything that any little thing will make me crack.

"Earth to Bonnie," I heard Jeremy say. I looked up at him. He has an amused look on his face. "Sorry," I told him apologetically. "Couldn't have you spacing out on me, I'm about to put the movie in." He put in _Death Race._ I nodded, agreeing with him. "I don't know where my head is at these days. Sorry Jere." I apologized. He brushed it off. He took a seat next to me on the couch. He put his arm around me. The closeness to someone else is nice. It helps me not feel so alone. I leaned against him, and put my head on his shoulder. I waited for the movie to start.

As it turns out, Jeremy isn't as fragile as everyone assumed. I told him about my being a witch. He understood and took it a lot better than I did whenever I found out. Right now, there are not a lot of secrets that I have from Jeremy. I would never tell him how empty I feel inside. Or that it feels like I have to take it one day at a time. When I am around them, I feel better, but not… whole. I'm not sure if I ever will again. I feel hallow. This is nice; it's been a long time since I've had a place that feels like home.

-------------------------------------------------------------Later-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I opened my eyes, and yawned. I must have fallen asleep after the movie. Jeremy put something else in after _Death Race._ I can't remember what it was. Someone is carrying me. It feels like I'm being carried upstairs. "Jeremy?" I asked, uncertainly. "Shh, Bonnie, go back to sleep. I've got you. I'm taking you to your room. You can get some sleep." He whispered. I nodded against him. "I don't want to go sleep." I argued, still half asleep. I yawned, further proving his point.

He continued toward my room. "I don't want to be alone, Jere." I whispered. "Not tonight," I added. I actually felt safe, when I was sitting with Jeremy on the couch. I don't get a lot of that lately, not when I'm tired. "You can stay with me tonight, Bon. You don't have to be alone." Jeremy whispered, seriously. I gave him a muttered thank you, before falling back asleep in his arms. I felt him lay me down on his bed. I rolled onto my side.

"I'm going to sleep on the floor." Jeremy told me, in a whispered voice. "Don't be stupid." I grumbled. I rolled over on his bed, making room for him. I stopped when I felt the wall next to me. I yawned, and felt Jeremy lie down next to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist. I scooted closer to him. He's slept in my room a few times before. He knows that I've been having trouble sleeping. Jenna doesn't have a problem with it. She knows that what I feel for Jeremy is purely brotherly. Despite Jeremy being almost a year younger than me, he's wiser than his years.

I drifted to sleep. Hopefully the nightmares stay away tonight. They never leave me, at least, not for long.

I'm sitting in Grams' living room with her. This can't be real. She's gone. She's never coming back. It feels **so** real. Everything flashed. I'm back at the night when she died. We're back at the night. It's flashing between now, and then. She's sitting next to me, and she's dying. "GRAMS!" I screamed. She can't hear me. She's falling, and I can't move. She's fine, but she's suffering. The flashes are blurring together. The images are bleeding together. I'm beside myself. I can't breathe.

I'm watching Grams die. I can't stop it. I can't breathe. I'm falling to the floor. I'm on my knees, screaming. No sounds can be heard. Tears are streaming down my face. I'm choking; I have no oxygen. How is this happening? She doesn't deserve to suffer like this, anyone but her. Goddess, please, just save her. She doesn't deserve this! She's never done anything wrong! She saved Elena and Stefan. She even saved Damon. I haven't figured out why.

I'm shaking. The world is shaking. What's happening?! "Bonnie, wake up. Bonnie, wake up. It's just a nightmare." Some told me. My eyes slowly opened. I came too slowly. Jeremy is shaking me; he's trying to wake me up. "Jere?" I whispered in a hoarse voice. Had I been screaming? "You were screaming Bonnie." He whispered. I took a deep breath. I squinted at him, trying to make out his face. It's completely dark in his room. "I'm sorry." I apologized for screaming, and disturbing his sleep.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." He told him. "I can't get them out of my head, Jere." I whispered. He drew me to him and wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, they can't haunt you forever." He whispered. I hope he's right. I closed my eyes. Visions of Grams dying flooded my vision. Silent tears slipped past my eyelids, and fell down my face. Jeremy held me tighter. "Thank you," I whispered. Whatever he's doing… it helps. "Anytime, you know that. Try to get some sleep." He whispered.

The tears didn't stop. I cried my eyes dry, and fell asleep listening to the sounds of Jeremy's breathing and his heartbeat.

--------------------------------------------------------The next morning-----------------------------------------------------------

Shouting pulled me out of my bitter slumber. My head feels like its splitting open. My eyes feel like someone set off strings of firecrackers inside of my sockets. I cringed. Who needs to be hung-over when you have this? "Fuck," I muttered. "Good morning to you too," Jeremy said, sleepily. I made a face at him. He chuckled. "Did you get any sleep? You looked like you got some… but it seemed pretty broken." He asked, concerned. "I got some. Were you watching me last night?" I asked him, feigning surprise.

He shrugged. "Well, I have to keep up my stalker ways." He said, trying to be obvious. "Well, obvious. What would I do without my favorite creeper in my life?" I asked him. He swatted at my playfully. "_**You**_ should've slept last night." I told him. "I did. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright." He said. "Who's going to make sure that you're alright, Jere?" I asked him. He shrugged. "I've been where you are. Well, not exactly, but I get it. You just need time. Even that doesn't heal it completely." He said. "You're sweet, you know that?" I asked him. He smirked. "I have to have something to even out my stalker ways." He said.

"Oh, okay. Would take include getting up, so I can shower?" I asked him. He thought it over and shook his head. "Nope, I don't think so." He said, decisively. "Oh, I see. So… I'm going to have to become a bum that never showers for the rest of my life?" I asked him. "On second thought, maybe you should shower. I think you need it." He said, grinning. I scoffed, and hit his arm. He moved his arms, so I could get up. I went to the bathroom, and showered.

--------------------------------------------------------Breakfast----------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel better. The shower helped. I feel like I haven't been myself, not since she died. I honestly feel like part of me died with her. I always seem to feel just a little bit numb. I'm used to it that scares me.

It turns out that Elena was yelling at Damon this morning. I never did find out what they were shouting about. Truthfully, I haven't really seen Damon since that night. Whenever I'm around, he isn't. So far, it's been working. Elena and Stefan stayed around for a bit. Elena said something about having to do something and she left. Jenna and Stefan made waffles for breakfast. Stefan even made me some hot chai tea. I haven't been able to bring myself to drink it. Grams used to make it for me when I was upset. I raised the mug to my lips and sipped lightly. The hot, spiced liquid brought back memories. I swallowed thickly, and set the mug down.

"You okay?" Stefan asked. Jeremy went into the kitchen earlier to help Jenna. Stefan came in here with me. I'm not left alone too often. I nodded. "I'm fine." I told him reassuringly. He doesn't look convinced. "Did she…?" He asked. I nodded. "Yeah, she used to. Before, you know." I told him. He nodded, looking pained. "You know, Elena still cares about you." He told me. I nodded. "I know." I told him. "She's just… scared. I don't think she can go back… to where she was." He said. I nodded. "I get it, Stefan. Don't worry." I told him. He didn't say anything. "If you ever need to talk," he offered. "Thanks Stefan," I told him.

"I've seen a lot of people I love die. I know what it's like." He told me. I nodded. "I've um, I need to get some air. I'll be back in a minute." I told him. I got up from the table, and walked toward the front door. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked them away, trying to keep them at bay. I opened the front door, and stepped outside. I closed the door behind me, and sat down on the porch step. I hung my head in my hands, trying to breathe, slowly.

Everything reminds me of her. Sooner or later this has to stop. I have to move on. I can't just start crying out of nowhere whenever I see something, and think of Grams. I'm supposed to be honoring her life, not mourning her death. I can't help but feel that I've lost something. Someone. It wasn't her time yet. I took a deep breath and stood up. Woman up, Bonnie. I went to open the front door, when I ran into someone instead. Arms shot out to steady me. It's Damon.

"Going somewhere, witch?" He asked me, amused. "I'm not in the mood, Damon." I told him. "What kind of mood are you not in, witch?" He asked, suggestively. "Fuck off Damon." I told him, tiring of his antics. "Such harsh words coming out of such a pretty mouth," he said, giving me a slight frown. "Let me go." I told him, refusing to play his game. He moved his arms, and stepped out of my way. He opened the door for me. I didn't say anything.

"Bonnie, how do you take your waffles?" Stefan asked me without looking up. He's in the kitchen putting two waffles on a plate. I walked past him, and opened the fridge. I pulled out some orange juice. "Bonnie, did you…?" He asked. "Oh, Damon, what are you doing here?" Stefan asked Damon in surprise. Damon smiled at him. "Just annoying our local teenage witch," he told Stefan. I grabbed a glass out of the cupboard. I poured some orange juice inside and took it to the table, determined to ignore Damon.

Something about him just pisses me off. "Butter and syrup," I told Stefan. He fixed my plate without any further questions. "Thanks Stef," I told him. He handed me a fork, and my plate. I set my things down on the table, and went to pull out my chair. Damon beat me to it. It pulled out my chair for me and gestured for me to sit down. I just stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to move. "I can do it myself." I told him. He smirked.

"I'm aware. Quit being stubborn, and sit down," he ordered me. I didn't move. He moved and stood directly in front of me. He picked me up and sat me down in the chair, before I could protest. I growled in annoyance. "Am I getting under your skin yet?" He asked. "Don't you have anyone else you can go bother?" I asked him. He smirked. "Something about witches, they're just so magical." He told me, using jazz hands. "S'not funny." I told him.

"I think I'm hysterical." He told me seriously. I looked at him doubtfully. "You just don't appreciate me." He said. I didn't say anything. I started eating my waffles. "I miss the good old days, when witches could handle their magic and their senses of humor." He said. "Maybe we just don't care for _**your**_ sense of humor." I told him, after swallowing a bite of waffles. "Right and I'm secretly the tooth fairy." He said sarcastically.

"You're making me wish that I could use my magic to make you shut up." I told him. He smirked. "You have to be careful with magic. It can kill you." He said. I stiffened. I looked at him, focusing all of my attention on him. "You have to know your limits. I mean, look at your Sheila." He said. I scooted my chair back, and stood up. I carried my plate to the sink, and walked away. I can't believe he just said that. "What's your hurry little witch? What's wrong?" He called from behind me.

I heard Stefan smack the back of his head. "What the fuck, Stefan! That almost hurt!" Damon said, outraged. "Are you brain dead?" Stefan asked him in a dangerously low voice. "What? Oh," He said. What he said finally dawned on him. "I didn't mean…" He said. "Bonnie!" I heard him yell. I'm already halfway up the stairs. Where did Jeremy and Jenna go off to?

Damon ran in front of me. "Stop doing that!" I yelled, exasperated. "I didn't mean it like that." He told me. I tried to step around him, but he blocked my movements. "I can be ass sometimes, but I didn't mean to say _**that**_." He said. "Forget it, Damon. Can you just move?" I asked him. "You didn't say please." He said, taunting me. I glared at him. "Just move," I told him in a defeated voice. "What? No witty quips in return?" He asked. "Not today, Damon." I told him, suddenly exhausted. I can feel my energy leaving me. He stepped out of the way. I walked past him, and walked up the rest of the stairs.

"Witch," he called after me. I turned around to face him. "Vampire," I said in return. He smirked. "It'll get easier." He said. I nodded. When? "It always does." He said. I didn't say anything, just kept walking. Everyone keeps saying it will get easier, I don't know how it will get easier. I wish it would. I can get through this… I hope.

**Author's Note: I know this is a short first chapter, and it doesn't really tell you much. BUT it will pick up. Hopefully you like it. Please review!! :^)**

**~*~Hugs and junk~*~**

** ~Anneryn**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hello my lovelies! I know that this update is pretty much long overdue, SO here it is! I hope you guys enjoy it. Don't worry, certain people *cough, cough* Damon *cough, cough* will be back-ish to their normal selves, soon. **

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS (That doesn't stop me from pretending…)**

Chapter 2:

I woke up groggily, with a splitting headache. I winced as I sat up. I opened my eyes and peered around my room. I must have fallen asleep. I came up here after Damon… I closed my eyes, trying to remember everything that happened. What he said… it just triggered me. I had to get away from him… I felt like I was suffocating.

At least I enjoyed a bit of dreamless sleep. Dreamless… no nightmares. I started shaking; I remembered Grams dying in front of me. I bolted off of my bed and out of my room. I ran to the bathroom. The light is on and the door is locked. I ran downstairs with a hand covering my mouth. I willed myself not to let the contents of my stomach come up before I was in a bathroom. I ran through the living room and passed the kitchen. I ran into the bathroom and slid to my knees. I lifted the toilet seat and uncovered my mouth. I spewed the contents of my stomach. The image didn't leave me; it just grew stronger. It's forever burned in my memory. I can't change that I couldn't help her.

I lifted my head from above the toilet and sat on the bathroom floor, breathing heavily. I took a deep breath. I can hear talking in the living room. I can hear footsteps coming closer and closer to the bathroom. I remembered all of the times Grams came to take care of me… to check up on me…. I leaned back over the toilet and spilled what little contents I had left in my stomach into the porcelain bowl. I felt someone rubbing my back. This only made things worse. I continued throwing up liquid, bile, and stomach acid until I had nothing left. It took awhile for the dry heaves to stop. I closed my eyes.

I moved away from the toilet, slightly. I put the seat lid down and flushed the toilet. The hands left my back. I felt something being pressed into my hand. I looked down. It's a damp dish cloth. I wiped my face off. I folded it, and mopped the tears off of my face. Every time I get sick like that, tears are forced out. I stood up, shakily. I turned on the bathroom sink faucet and rinsed my mouth out. I turned around to face Jenna.

I let her pull me into a hug. I rested my head in the groove of her neck. She just held me. Her maternal instincts must have been tingling. She let me go just to put an arm around my waist and lead me into the kitchen. She had me sit down at the table. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the table. The cold wood feels nice against my clammy skin.

I inhaled slowly. I closed my eyes and thought about better times. I tried to think of all of the good times I had with Grams. I thought about the times that I would stay with her when Dad was out of town and we would make brownies. I remember when she first told me that I was a witch, and I didn't believe her… I remember the first time that she was there for me when no one else was. I remember when she promised that she would always be there for me…. no matter what happened.

My eyes started burning. Tears escaped from underneath my closed eyelids. Silent tears made small puddles on the table. I sat there with my head down, sobbing. It felt good to remember, but it didn't change the fact that it hurt. Everything hurts. I feel so lost. I don't know how to find my way back.

I can smell soup. Jenna's making soup for me. This made me sob harder. Grams used to have a remedy for everything. I can't remember it being this bad. Normally I have some control… I can stop. I can't stop these from coming. I heard Jenna set something in front of me. I didn't look up to see what it was. I just cried. I scooted my chair back, a bit. I lifted my legs, and hugged my knees, holding myself. I feel like if I don't, I might disappear.

I hate days like these. Sometimes I have good days. I was having a good streak of good days. But, I get these spells of hard days. They are bad. Barely anything processes. I don't know how to deal with anything. How can I accept something like this? I can't just get over this. This is definitely a bad day.

But, today is different. Crying isn't helping. It's not enough. I need to cry; I can't stop my tears. But it isn't enough. Everything inside of me aches. I feel like I don't have control of anything.

I forgot about everything surrounding me. I rocked back and forth, trying to get some sense of calm. It didn't help. I lost track of time and the rest of world. After what felt like days, blurred together, I felt someone pick me up. I was lifted into strong arms. I didn't take notice of who it was. I was carried upstairs and cradled on my bed. I just… sobbed.

Gradually… eventually, I cried myself to sleep. But, those arms never left me. I felt my eyes swell shut. I didn't try to open them. I let sleep take me and I prayed for sweeter dreams than my typical nightmares. I heard humming… from a distance. It soothed me. I couldn't tell what it was… but it seemed so familiar.

That night, the dreams were worse, worse than they had ever been before.

I was sitting with Grams. We were sitting on her couch. She just poured hot tea for the both of us: chai. She was taking a sip and blood started to run from her eyes. They turned crimson and black. She kept talking like nothing was wrong. I watched her, frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

She smiled, and her teeth fell from her mouth. Her eyes melted and boiled away.

"Grams," I choked out, finally able to move and do something. I got up and touched her face. I murmured the only healing spell I knew. After a moment, it seemed like it was working. Her eyes grew back, and the bleeding stopped. But, as I was chanting, her face became contorted and grew demon. She said something. Her words threw me from her. I flew into the wall and was trapped. She walked over to me, her face lethal.

She gave me a sickly smile and produced a small dagger from her shirt sleeve. It's the protection dagger she gave me the day before… before she died. She started stabbing herself, repeatedly, relentlessly. I tried to stop her and take the knife away. I couldn't move. Her spell held me there.

"This is because of you." She growled. I looked at her, mortified. "You did this… I performed the spell, for you." She snarled. She started to evaporate. Her skin cooked away, first. With each passing moment bits and pieces of her were being replaced with something demon. She started chanting. I can't understand her words; she's speaking something ancient and foreign. I don't need to understand to know that she is chanting something to kill herself with.

"Bonnie, wake up. Wake up."I heard a voice urging me. I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, but realized I had fallen asleep sitting up. I tried to move, but found I was cage by someone's arms. The arms let me go. I heard someone trying to sooth me. I got off of the bed and ran to the bathroom. I threw up. I rinsed out my mouth and dropped to my knees. I fought the urge to scream.

I felt the arms around me, again. They tried to help me up. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to do anything. They let me stay where I was, but stayed around me. I felt my body trembling.

"Let it out, Bonnie. Just, let it." I heard to voice whisper. The voice sounds so sure. The arms turned me around. I felt my face against someone's chest. My eyes are closed, I can't see anything. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself… it didn't help.

"Let it out." The voice commanded, softly. I screamed. I screamed like I hadn't screamed before. I screamed for all of the pain that I feel. I screamed for the resentment and guilt that I always carry me. I screamed for loss and I screamed… because it was tearing me up inside not to. I'm not sure how long I screamed for.

Despite my screams, I heard footsteps pound up the stairs. I didn't hear anyone say anything.

"She's fine. She needs to do this. Just give us some time." I heard the voice command whoever came to the bathroom. I heard them walk away, slowly. I stopped screaming and just sat and let myself be held. The singing started… again. I was picked up, again… for the second time today. I knew I was being carried to my room. I fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, I was still being protected by the arms. I opened my eyes; they feel puffy and sore. I opened my mouth and took a shaky breath. My throat is painful. I blinked a few times and looked around my room. It's bright outside. I don't know what time it is, or what day it is. I shifted. The person holding me held me tighter. Who is holding me? Who helped me?...

My muscles ache from sleeping, sitting up. I need to stretch out and lie down. I gently moved the arms and got off of the person's lap. I looked up at the person. It was the last person I expected.

Damon looked at me with concerned eyes. He brushed hair out of my face and gently tucked it behind my ears. I didn't say anything. I just looked at him, grateful and confused. I laid down next to him. He watched me for a moment and laid next to me. He put an arm around me and just held me. I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep… I just… I need to try and process things.

I know that Grams is gone. I know that I was a mess last night. But… somehow it still hasn't… hit yet.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. I was enjoying to comfortable silence. I looked up at him. I don't understand why he would all of this.

"I don't… I don't even know what I'm feeling. Nothing makes sense." I told him quietly. He looked at me and nodded.

"She meant a lot to you. Losing her…. No one could expect that to be easy for you." He said. I nodded. But… so many people had. I'm not sure how I got over losing my mom. I know that Grams was a big part of that. But, now that I lost her, it feels like I've got nothing left.

"What am I supposed to do, now?" I asked him, quietly. He didn't say anything. Instead, he moved closer to me and ran his fingers through my hair, gently. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his fingertips brushing my scalp. I still don't understand him… but maybe, I don't need to. AT least, not now.

He started humming that song again. I never knew that Damon could be this sweet. I'm grateful that he surprised me. I fell asleep. This time, when I woke up, I was pressed against Damon. He was hugging me to him. I looked up at him. His eyes are closed. It's dark in my room. I tried to move without waking him. I had little success. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I didn't say anything.

"You should eat something." He finally said.

"So you should you… probably." I told him. He rolled his eyes and smirked. Ladies and gentlemen, Damon Salvatore is back.

"I can go longer without eating than you can. It's been at least three days since you've eaten anything." He said. I looked at him in shock. I lost three days? Three Days? He stroked the side of my face, trying to calm my alarmed expression. It scares me how accustomed I've become to Damon's surprising affection.

"Come on; let's get you something to eat." He said. He got off of the bed and gently lifted me to my feet. He took my hand and led me downstairs. I started to feel a little bit dizzy and lightheaded. I guess, I haven't really kept anything down for a few days…

"You need to get something, too." I told him. He looked at me and gave me a playful glare.

"Stop worrying about me." He told me; I didn't say anything. "I think you just want me to leave." He said, trying to goad me.

"No," I told him. He stopped walking and just looked at me. He gave me an unreadable expression, only one that he could give. He started walking, after a minute. He had me sit down at the kitchen island. He grabbed some things from the pantry and started cooking. When I asked him what he was making all he would tell me is that it was a surprise.

He gave me a steaming plate of fettuccini Alfredo. He sat next to me, making sure that I actually ate. Stefan walked into the kitchen. He eyed Damon suspiciously. Damon got up and whispered something to Stefan. Then, he turned to face me.

"I'm going to get something to… eat. I'll be back." Damon told me. He made a big deal about tell me. I smirked.

"Good, I told you that you needed something." I told him. He smirked.

"Nag, nag, nag… We aren't even married and she's already telling me what to do." He gave me an exasperated expression. I chuckled. He walked over to me and turned to look at Stefan. He looked at him, until he left the room.

"I _**will**_ be back soon." Damon promised. I nodded.

"I know." I told him. He bent down and kissed the top of my head, before leaving. Stefan came back into the kitchen and we made small talk. He never asked me about the past couple of days, or why I was so comfortable with Damon.

Jenna and Jeremy came into the kitchen and took turns hugging me. I smiled at them. They looked worried when they first came into the kitchen. By the time they left, they looked relieved. Jeremy stayed with me longer than Jenna. I got the feeling that he was going to ask me about Damon. Stefan got him to leave the kitchen before he could. I gave him a grateful look. Here comes the talk.

"Bonnie, I know what you're going through right now…" he started. That's just it, he doesn't know. "I know that Damon's helping you through… this. I just, I don't want you to get hurt. I know how he is… I don't want you to get hurt by one of his schemes." Stefan said, steadily. I gave him a look that could kill.

"I don't know what he's doing… but it helps… having him around. You have to give him some credit, sometime." I told him. Stefan just looked at me. His eyes flashed and he opened his mouth to speak. I shut my eyes.

"Don't you dare use your compulsion on me." I growled. I opened my eyes and he already looked resentful.

"You could let me take some of your pain away…" Stefan suggested.

"No," I told him. I kept my answer simple. Damon waltzed into the kitchen. He looks better and stronger than he had. The blood rejuvenated him. I tried not to think about where he got it or who he took it from. He looked from me to Stefan, sensing tension. He walked over to me and put an arm around me. I didn't hide my shock. Stefan looked more surprised than I do.

"I think… you should get out of here, for a bit." Damon said. I didn't say anything. I got off of the bar stool I was sitting on. He used the arm around me to pull me closer to him. He grabbed my jacket and slipped on some vans. He moved his arm so I could my jacket on. We left.

**Author's Note: I know this is kind of a short chapter. But, I think this was a good stopping point. Thoughts are welcome! :^)**

**Just hit that magical, little review button! LOL**

**~Hugs and Junk!~**

** ~Anneryn**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hello my wonderful lovelies! I'm sorry I haven't been able to get this chapter out sooner! I hope you enjoy it, regardless!**

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS (Sadly)**

Chapter 3:

We walked around town. I really don't know where Damon was planning on going or what he was planning on doing, but it really didn't matter. Just being out of the house is nice. Damon kept his arm around me as we walked. We just walked, in a comfortable silence.

"Tell me something." Damon said, breaking the silence.

"What do you want to know?" I asked him.

"Why do you blame yourself for her death?" He asked me. I flinched, but answered his question. I stopped walking. Damon stopped too, and faced me.

"Because it's my fault." I said, simply. He wanted an answer; I gave him one. I told him the truth.

"How could you say something so stupid?" He asked me. "How was it your fault?" He asked me.

"The spell killed her, Damon." I told him.

"Do you hear yourself? You **just** said that the spell killed her. It wasn't you; it was the spell." He told me.

"I'm the one that asked her to perform the spell. She wasn't going to. She was going to let you, Stefan, and Elena stay down there. She wasn't going to let you out! I told her that if she didn't help me with the spell, that I would do it myself!" I told him, exasperated. Why doesn't he understand? Why can't he understand? What happened to her was my fault. I can never take back what happened.

"It was her choice Bonnie. How are you not understanding that?" Damon demanded.

"Because it should have been me!" I yelled at him. He looked at me in a confused shock. There, I finally said it. I finally said what has been eating at me for so long. "It should have been me, not her. I should have been the one that died. She didn't deserve it…. She never deserved it." I told him, evenly. I felt my chin tremble and my eyes fill, but I refused to let the tears fall.

"Stupid witch," Damon growled. I looked directly at him.

"Why couldn't you just say that in the first place? Don't you think I know that? I never knew that this would happen! I could have never chosen between you all and Grams." I told him. He took a step towards me; I sidestepped him and turned around. He caught my arm and spun me around. He put a hand on each of my arms, preventing me from moving.

"What else could you have done?" He asked me.

"I could have saved her!" I yelled. He didn't flinch or look away. "It should have been me. Then no one else would have had to die! I just want her back… She deserves to be here. She never did anything to deserve to be taken… her life… she was robbed…. It should have been me… I-I…. I just…. I can't…. She… She was so important… how am I supposed to be without her? She would have done so much good if she was still alive… more than I ever could. Why? Why did it… why did it have to be like this?" I asked him. I felt myself breaking. All of my strength crumbled. I just… broke.

Damon slid his arms under mine, keeping me standing.

"And what did you do, to deserve to die?" He asked me.

"Nothing… but I don't deserve to live, either." I told him. He looked at me and shook his head.

"That's bullshit and you know that. There is no way you could have known what that spell would do to her." Damon growled. I looked at him, and I tried to believe him. But I cannot honestly stop believing that what happened is my fault. If I had just _known… _I hate the "what ifs" and the not knowing. I just feel… wretched. It just… it should have been me.

"It shouldn't have been her. Anyone but her…. It should have been me… I wouldn't have cared, as long as she was alive." I whispered. Damon got a fierce look of determination on his face.

"How would you expect Sheila to live after you died? Would you have rather have been Stefan that died? Or Elena?" He asked. My chins trembled and a tear fell. I shook my head.

"No," I told him. He forced my attention back on him.

"No? Then what about me? Would you have rather it had been me?" He asked. I looked him in the eye.

"No, I wouldn't want it to be you. I-I told you. It should have been me, so no one would have had to die." I said softly.

"Stupid, stupid witch. Do you want to die?" He asked me.

"No," I told him.

"But you would have died for her? You would have died in her place?" He asked me.

"Yes," I told him, softly. He looked deeper into my eyes.

"You would have given your life for Stefan's?" He asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Elena's?" He asked.

"Yes," I told him.

"You would have given it up… for mine?" He asked, last.

"Yes," I told him. He didn't ask me anymore questions; he got furious. I saw the anger flashing in his eyes. I didn't say anything.

"My life… isn't worth yours." He said. I gently moved my hand to his face. As soon as my fingers made contact with his skin, his eyes softened. I didn't say anything, but I didn't think that I had to. We have… an unspoken bond. We don't have to use words… not always. He moved my hand away from his face, and let go of me. His hand found mine, and he held it. We walked back to my house. We walked in silence. About five houses away, he stopped and looked at me.

"I never want to hear you say something that stupid, again." He said. "Do you understand me?" He asked. I looked at him.

"It's true." I protested. His eyes flashed.

"Bonnie, if I ever hear you say those words, so help me…" He threatened. I nodded.

"Fine," I told him.

"Come on." He said, as he began walking again. He didn't act angry, though. He seemed… almost relieved that I had agreed with him. He's been strangely gentle with me. He walked me inside. Stefan was waiting in the kitchen.

"Bonnie, I didn't…" He started to say. Damon said something to him, quietly. He spoke too quietly for me to hear what he said. Damon led me upstairs. We went into my room. He let go of my hand and left my room. I bent over and pulled off my shoes. I pulled my jacket off. I tossed the jacket on the floor and went into the bathroom. I looked at my reflection. I look like a more… hallow version of myself. I have a haunted look in my eyes.

My eyes look darker, and my skin looks a bit paler. I sighed. I think I've lost weight…. I haven't really been eating a lot. Other than my eyes, I don't look… sickly. My curves stand out more… and I have dark crescent moon shapes under my eyes. I turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot. I shut the bathroom door, and I stripped off my clothes. I stepped into the shower, and sat down. I hugged my knees to my chest and… remembered.

I liked the feeling of the water burning my skin. I just… needed to feel warm. I need to feel, alive, and full… of something again. After awhile, I stood up and washed myself. I turned off the water and grabbed a towel that was hanging off of the shower curtain. I wrapped it around myself and stepped out of the shower. I wasn't surprised when I saw Damon. He didn't say anything, just handed me a change of pajamas. I looked at the floor; he already put the ones I had been wearing in the hamper. I took the pajamas from him.

He left the bathroom and shut the door behind him. I toweled off and put on some lotion. I brushed my teeth and got dressed. I opened the bathroom door, and walked to my room, drying my hair, one handed, with my towel. I sat down on my bed, before giving up on drying my hair. Damon was already stretched out on my bed, with his hands behind his head. He looked at me and cocked his head, motioning for me to lie next to him.

I dropped my towel onto the floor and crawled over to Damon. I laid my head on his chest. He moved his arms and put one around me. He used his other hand to run his fingers through my hair. I don't know what it is about him that calms me. He can annoy me to no end… but no one understands me like he does. I have no idea how he does it.

"You know that I'm right." Damon said. I didn't feel like moving, so I didn't look at him when I answered him.

"This would be so much better, if you didn't talk." I told him. His body shook with laughter.

"You forget that I'm not one to please. I am the annoying one." He countered. I groaned.

"Make that sound again, but louder. Then use the voice to say my name." He suggested. I growled at him. He laughed, again. "Stefan's face would be priceless if he thought that I was taking dear Bonnie's virginity." He said. I felt my cheeks redden. I sat up and his arm. He chuckled. I scooted to the other side of the bed, and I laid down, facing away from him.

"Come on, Bonnie Bear, I wasn't serious." He said.

"That's the lamest thing, I have ever heard." I told him, still letting him face my back. He chucked as he climbed over me. He gently pushed me onto my back as he straddled my thighs. "Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? Or is there something you want to tell me?" I asked Damon. He gave me a puzzled look. "I was asking you if you had a penis." I told him, somehow managing to keep a straight face. Damon leaned down, close to my face.

"Yes, I have one. Do I need to show you?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"You started this." I told him. He smirked.

"I guess innocent little Bonnie isn't so innocent after all." He said. I rolled my eyes. He laughed and flipped our positions. He closed his eyes. He looks like he's concentrating on something.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Sending Stefan mental pictures of your lovely body straddling me," he said, proud of himself. To my surprise, I chuckled. "Come _**on**_, Bonnie. What's the last time you did anything _fun_?" He asked me. I rolled my eyes.

"Why does something fun, have to consist of me straddling you… and making Stefan think that we are having sex?" I asked him. He smirked.

"Because," he said. I stared at him, waiting for an actual answer. "Come on, live a little." He said. I sighed.

"No one I know is whineier than you are." I told him. He smirked. He stuck out his bottom lip and gave me his puppy dog eyes. I snorted with laughter.

"Come on, Bonnie, pleeeaase. You would have so much fun being my partner in crime." He assured me.

"Somehow, I don't think that would end well for me." I told him.

"Just this once?" He asked, with pouty lips. I sighed.

"Just this once," I told him. He grinned, wickedly. He sat up, keeping me on his lap. He moved a hand to my side, and started moving me, gently.

"Oh Stefan…" he called, softly. I have no doubt that Stefan can hear him. Damon brought his lips to mine. "Tighten your legs," he told me. I did. I still don't know why I am listening to him… probably because right now, he's the one person who, for some reason, has actually been able to help me through this… It's not like we are actually doing anything. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I rocked my hips, slowly, back and forth. Damon made a sort of strangled noise against my hips. I chuckled. He bit my lip, gently. I hit his arm, as pay back. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his chest. He let go, and grasped my hip, again. Damon started moving, too, just barely. He parted my lips with tongue. I opened my mouth for him. He let go of my hand, and brought it to the side of my face, keeping me from breaking the kiss.

I heard loud footsteps on the stairway. They are coming closer and closer. The bedroom door slammed open.

"What are you doing?" I heard Stefan demand. Damon chuckled. I pulled away from Damon and stopped moving. He made a growling sound. I gave him a quick peck on the lips. He looked behind me and smirked at Stefan.

"We, my dear brother, are having fun." Damon told him.

"How could you just take advantage of her like that?" Stefan asked Damon. I turned around.

"I'm right here." I told Stefan.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked.

"I thought it was obvious." I told him. He gave me a disbelieving look.

"Don't hurt her." Stefan told Damon.

"Do you honestly think that I would?" Damon asked Stefan. Stefan didn't say anything. I'm not sure that he knows what to say.

"We were just trying to piss you off, but it's nice to know that you think such little about my judgment." I told Stefan. Damon's smirk grew. Stefan flushed. Stefan left the room, and shut the door forcibly behind him. I got off of Damon laid back down.

"Wasn't that fun?" Damon asked me. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"Of course it was for you." I said. He laughed.

"You enjoyed it." Damon said.

"Maybe, but we aren't doing it again." I told him. He nodded.

"I know." He said.

"Good." I told him. Damon laid down, next to me. He leaned over me, so I was looking at him.

"Maybe, I just like kissing you." He said, quietly.

"And why is that?" I asked him.

"Maybe I'll tell you, some other time." He said. He kissed me, softly, and pulled away. He stretched out next to me, and pulled me to him. "You're not comfortable." He said. I didn't say anything, but I didn't try to hide my surprise. Maybe he has gotten to know me over the past few days. I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. Maybe, tonight, he can keep the nightmares away.

If we were only messing with Stefan's head… then why did I feel something, every time Damon kissed me?

**Author's Note: Let me know what you think :^) Just press that amazing little review button.**

**-Hugs and junk-**

**XOXO**

** ~Anneryn**


	4. Chapter 4

Hello my wonderful lovelies! I am so dreadfully sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I know that an update is long overdue. I've been suffering with writer's block for quite some time now. Everything I start to write, I just can't finish. I'm putting all of my stories on official, temporary hiatus.

Hugs, love, and apologies!

XOXO

~Anneryn


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Alright guys, so here it is. The long awaited Chapter Four. I'm sorry that it's so dreadfully short, BUT I really wanted to get an update up. I think it's safe to say that I'm almost back. I'm going to try and update all of my stories. Patience is still appreciated. :^)**

**Thank you all for being so amazing!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS. **

Chapter 4:

I woke up gasping, and clutching my chest. It took me a few minutes to realize that someone was rubbing my back, trying to soothe me. I blinked repeatedly, trying to see something. My eyes scanned my room. It's pitch black. I looked for the luminous red letters of my alarm clock. It's only 1:12 a.m., no wonder it's so damn dark.

I tried to sit up, but the body next to me, stopped me. I peered over at the person and tried to pull free. I remembered that it was Damon.

"What the fuck, Damon? Let me go!" I said in a hushed whisper. He grabbed both of my wrists and yanked me down to him.

"Calm down. You're not going anywhere. Everyone else is asleep. You're leaving, won't do any good." He told me, trying to get me to calm down. I struggled against him, trying to break free from his grip. His grip is too strong.

I ended up on his lap, writhing, to get free. Eventually, I stopped struggling. I just sat there, with him caging both of my arms. He pulled me closer to him. I can feel his breath on my face. It makes me itch in all of the wrong places. I took a small breath, and I could swear that I could almost taste him.

"What are you doing?" I breathed. He moved his lips closer to mine.

"You know what I'm doing. I want to taste you." He said, as he moved closer. He held onto my wrists, tighter… making sure that I wouldn't break free. I sucked in a breath as his mouth made contact. He didn't waste any time. He pushed his tongue inside my already open and waiting mouth. His tongue took the lead and started to dance with mine before our lips even make contact. He kissed me hard, this wasn't gentle.

I pushed against him as best as I could, with him holding onto my arms. His mouth swallowed my little moans. He let go of me, but tangled his hand in my hair and the other on my side. He moved onto his knees, never breaking the kiss. He pushed me backwards, so I was on my back, and he was on top. I moved my hand against his chest and pulled at his shirt, to pull him closer.

He pushed me back and moved away. I looked at him in bewilderment. He took his shirt off and threw it to the floor. He used his hands to wedge my legs back open. I obliged without much persuasion. He lowered himself back on top of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he resumed kissing me. The kissing only seemed to fuel my sudden hunger for him. He started rocking his hips. I moaned, but luckily, his mouth was still attached to mine.

He moved his mouth from my mouth and started paying special attention to my neck.

"We can't wake them up…" He told me in a hoarse whisper. I groaned. I held in my cries, which is becoming increasingly harder. He has to know what he is doing to me. My hands found his back.  
"Let loose." He whispered against my ear. He caught the bottom part of my earlobe in between his teeth and sucked gently. He went back to nuzzling my neck. My back arched.

My fingers dug into his back. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. He hissed in pleasure and pain. I can feel him leaving little marks and love bites on my neck. He held still and stopped moving. I felt my breathing begin to slow. I also feel irritated; it's not enough. After a few moments, he slammed himself against me. It caught me off guard, a partial cry escaped from my lips.

He crushed his lips to mine a half of second too soon. I felt my hips buck, and I rocked myself against him. His hand traveled up my shirt and left a feather-light trail that led to my rib cage. He continued until he was cupping my boob. I hissed in pleasure. He stroked me, gently, making it harder and harder for me to stay still.

He grunted as the door opened. Damon looked over and looked livid. It's Stefan. …Damon was fuming.

"Get out." Damon growled at Stefan. "She's a big girl; she can make her own decisions." Damon said, daring Stefan to disagree.

Stefan pulled Damon off of me, and threw him off of the bed. I looked up at Stefan, in shock. It took me a second to pull myself free from the daze that I was caught in. Why is he doing this? Damon picked Stefan up from his neck. Stefan hit Damon and they started fighting. I never knew that something this violent could be silent.

I scrambled off of the bed and wiggled between the two of them. I ended up face to face with Stefan. His eyes were red and his canines were showing.

"Stay away from her." Stefan growled. I pushed against Stefan.

"It's not up to you." I told him.

"What exactly do you think that I'm planning on doing, brother?" Damon asked Stefan. Stefan's nostrils flared.

"I'm not going to let you destroy her. She's always lost so much." Stefan said, determined.

"Why are you so worried about losing me? You have Elena." I told him. I don't understand his sudden need to protect me. Does he feel a need to protect me out of guilt over what Grams did to save him? Oh goddess…. Grams….

"Because… the both of you… shouldn't have to suffer…. First Sheila, then you… It's not right. The Bennett's didn't deserve this." Stefan said quietly. I looked up in disbelief. I don't know anything about him.

Everything he said… brought all of my memories, good and bad, of Grams flooding back. I felt my knees start to give out. Damon caught me from behind. I just looked at Stefan, lost.

"You can't do this to her." Damon hissed. "Don't you understand? Her mind can't take it… not yet." Damon whisper screamed. Stefan gave a small nod and watched as Damon led me back to the bed. I just sat there.

Grams… I remember the first time we ever did magic together… I was so eager and so skeptical. I remember when she would make me tea when I was upset and cookies just because she could. I remember visiting her when my mom was still alive…. I remember watching her die…. My body shook with sobs.

Damon came over to comfort me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I don't understand this deep rooted pain that I always feel. It's an anguish that never fades; a bleeding wound, that never heals. I just wish her peace. I have no doubt in my mind that she is in a better place now, but that provides me with little comfort. She should still be _**here**_. It wasn't her time to go. It wasn't her time to die.

I can't even begin to fathom whatever it is that I have going on with Damon. He's quickly become so much to me…. I don't know where he stands, or why he cares. And then there's Stefan… And I have no fucking clue, what his issues are.

I felt my brain shut down, and myself fade away from reality, from the world. My entire body went numb. My shaking and sobbing stopped. I just… stopped. I could feel myself breathing, gently. I forgot how to think… The only thing holding me down was Damon.

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are most definitely welcome! **

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hey lovelies! I'm SO sorry, for the lack of updates. I really am trying to get everything updated. Hope you like this chapter. I know it's short, but bear with me. I figure short updates are better than no updates at all. The chapters may be a bit shorter from now on, but I'm hoping to have a chapter up every week or every other week.**

**~Anneryn**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Five:

My eyes opened and I tried to remember what happened the night before. I looked up and saw Damon watching me. My brow furrowed and I remembered that we'd been like this since sometime last night. I'm not sure what set me off… I tried to think back and remember. Why do I feel like this? I can't feel anything… emotionally. I just feel… numb and detached.

I was… There was… Damon and I were getting really _friendly_, and… Stefan barged into the room. Stefan and Damon started fighting, about… I don't remember. It was…. Stefan didn't like the thought of me and Damon together. Though, in all honesty, on top of everything else that I'm not sure about, I have no idea what Damon and I classify as. As far as I know, we aren't even together. We're just… something. Are we even a "_we_"?

Stefan brought up… Grams. That's it, it made everything flood back and I just lost control. I remember drowning in my thoughts and everything becoming too much. I just… blanked. Everything just… left. I wonder when I'll feel the pain again. Numb isn't bad, it's easier to function this way, but… what if I never feel anything again? How can I live like this? Lately, everything has been able to scare me. But this, sure as hell scares the fuck out of me.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him what I've wanted to ask him. He looked at me, in disbelief. I just asked the question that neither of us thought that I'd actually bring myself to ask.

"Because, I want your hurting to stop." He answered, simply.

"What?" I asked him. I must have misheard him. Why would he care?

"I wanted it to stop." He said, seriously.

"Why?" I asked him. He sighed.

"I don't know. I just… couldn't stand seeing you in that kind of pain." He told me, honestly. I know that this conversation is over and he isn't going to tell me anything else. I nodded.

"Thank you." I told him. He nodded, looking at me, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I shifted my body. He loosened his grip so I could move easily. I straddled his lap before sinking down. I looked at him. He raised his eyebrows.

"What are _you _doing?" He asked softly, full of curiosity.

"Thanking you." I told him. He raised his eyebrows, and was about to say something when I moved my mouth to his. He didn't hesitate before putting entangling our bodies and kissing me back. We ended up on the other side of the bed, lying down, with each of us trying to take control. I broke the kiss, panting, in need of oxygen. I looked at him. I forced myself to look into his eyes. Something about his gaze made me feel so naked, but it also made me feel powerful, protected, beautiful and fragile.

"I feel appreciated." He said, with a smirk. I laughed. "You know, I could get you something to eat, and you could thank me all over again." He said, smirking and giving me the intense look that he tends to give.

"I'm fine, thanks." I told him, giggling. He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh yes, you are." He agreed, smiling, before kissing me. I smiled against his lips.

"You're full of it." I told him, slightly muted by his lips. He chuckled.

"You could be full of _it_ too." He told me, smirking. I glared at him and swatted at him playfully. His smirk broadened as he pinned my hands above my head, on the bed.

"What is this?" I asked him.

"Well, this was me kissing you." He answered. I rolled my eyes. "What do you want this to be?" He asked me. I looked at him.

"I don't know." I told him, truthfully. He touched his forehead to mine as I thought on his words. I sighed as I tried not to think about the intoxicating smell of him. "I don't want to share you." I finally said, quietly. He sucked on my earlobe, softly. I shifted, slightly, underneath of him.

"I don't share." He told me, making it clear that he had no intention of sharing me with anyone. "I don't expect you too. I'm already yours, witch." He told me, softly. I looked at him, and gave a small smile.

"I think I will take you up on that food offer." I told him. He smirked.

-.-

When we went downstairs, Stefan was sitting at the table with Jeremy. Stefan stared at Damon. I sighed.

"Give it a rest." I told Stefan, suddenly irritated. He looked at me and nodded, but not before eyeing Damon one last time.

-.-

"We need to talk." I told Stefan. He nodded and followed me out of the kitchen and outside, onto the front porch. I sat down and he took a seat next to me.

"What's on your mind?" He asked me. I looked at him, warily.

"Whatever you've got against Damon, you need to get over it." I told him. Stefan looked at me, and sighed.

"Bonnie, I don't like how close the two of you are becoming. He's just going to end up hurting you." Stefan told me. I can tell that he's being sincere, Stefan's eyes don't lie.

"Stefan, as much as I appreciate you looking out for me, and how much of a friend you are, you need to back off. It's not something that you can decide for me. It's my choice and that's just something that you're going to have to get used to. You're going to have to get used to this. I can't handle you picking a fight with Damon, every time you see us together. If things stay this way… something's got to give. I can't deal with this, on top of everything else." I told him, hoping that he understands what I'm telling him. All his overprotective-ness is doing is ruining our friendship. I don't need a father. I have one. I need a friend, and if he can't even be that… then I can't have him in my life.

"Bonnie, I'm not going to start anything else. But, if he hurts you…" Stefan started to say. I nodded.

"Then you can feel free to start something, if I can't handle it, myself." I told him. He laughed and gave me a half smile. "Okay?" I asked. He nodded.

"Alright," he told me. I nodded.

-.-

I looked at the trees surrounding us. Damon thought it would be good for me to get out of the house. So, we ended up walking by Fell's Church.

"I need a break." I told him, sitting down. He smirked and nodded as he sat down next to me. He kept his hand in mine, and didn't try to reclaim it. "I talked to Stefan." I told him. Damon raised his eyebrows.

"And how is my jealous, younger brother?" Damon asked. I rolled my eyes.

"He means well, and he agreed to back off." I told him. Damon nodded.

"He probably took the whole 'back off' spiel better from you than he would have from me." Damon said, thoughtfully.

"You think?" I asked, sarcastically. Damon gave me a mock glare.

"No, I make it a habit to say things that I don't mean. It makes me feel all warm inside." Damon answered, obnoxiously.

"Shut up." I told him. He chuckled and stood up and pulled me to my feet. We continued to walk and talk about things. I wonder how long this break from my emotions will last. I can't be numb for too long. When it wears off… I won't remember how to deal with the pain.

**Author's Note: Hopefully this didn't disappoint! Reviews are love and greatly appreciated!**

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Hey lovelies, I'm sorry it's taken me so friggin' long to update. Um, someone pointed out to me that Elena sort of disappeared in this fic, and honestly it's true. She's not my favorite character, so I unconsciously left her out. My bad! Well, for those Elena lovers out there, good news: she's back!**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter Six:

I can't believe I agreed to this. Scratch that, I can't believe I let Damon talk me into agreeing to this. It's been ages since I've left the house to go hang out with someone or spend time with anyone who isn't normally here. In all honesty, I haven't had any motivation to.

But, Caroline came by and talked to Damon while I was asleep. She wants me to go to the bonfire tonight. She said that she thought it would be good for me to be surrounded by friends, again, help me remember the good things in my life. I'm grateful that she cares, but I don't feel ready.

I'm not ready to face everyone. I'm not ready for the questions or the lies. No one wants to hear the truth. No one wants to hear that I'm not always sure that there is a reason is get out of bed every morning, or even keep on living. I'm not sure how to, that's the truth. But, what people want to hear is that I'm fine, everything is okay, and that I'm coping the best way that I know how, and that they shouldn't worry because I'll be back to normal soon.

Damon told me that I was strong enough to face this, and that I could do this. I know that I'll have to face everyone someday, and the longer I wait, the harder it will be. If I do this… I'll have Damon with me.

I shook my head. It still scares me how close I have become with him… and how much I depend on him.

-.-

"You ready to do this?" Damon asked me, as we sat in his car. I shook my head. I can see everyone heading towards the bonfire.

"No, I'm really not… But, let's do it anyway." I told him, in a forcibly calm voice. I can't let my voice shake. "You're going to stay with me… right? 'Cause, I don't think that I can do this, alone." I whispered. Damon just shot me a look that said: "Duh". He nodded.

"Bonnie, I'm not going to leave you. But, this is something that you need to do." He said, quietly. I nodded.

"Let's do this." I said, trying to convince myself, verbally, that I was ready.

"Don't worry so much, Witch. You look hot." Damon told me, smirking. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

-.-

I held his hand as we walked up to Caroline, Matt and Tyler. I tried to regulate my breathing. If Damon weren't a vampire, I'd probably be cutting off the circulation in his hand, but, he hasn't complained.

"Bonnie," Matt said, noticing me before the rest of them had. He come over to me and pulled me into a hug. I blinked in shock. I let go of Damon's hand and wrapped my arms around him. "It's so good to see you." He told me, still hugging me. I nodded.

"Yeah, you too." I told him. He let me go and looked at me. "How have you been… with everything?" I asked him. Sometimes I forget that Matt lost Vicki… and I haven't exactly been there for him.

"Dealing, I guess. One day at a time, and all that. I mean, Vicki has been gone for so long… I think that made it… easier." He told me, quietly. I can see the pain growing in his eyes, and I'm instantly sorry that I brought it up.

"If you need _anything_, just let me know." I told him. I gave his arm a quick squeeze. I want him to know that I mean what I'm telling him.

"Thanks Bonnie, that uh, it means a lot." He told me. I nodded.

"Of course," I told him. Matt has been my friend for the longest time.

I felt the breath get knocked out of me from behind. Someone was hugging me, but I can't see who it is. I turned around and saw Elena. I let out a small laugh.

"I've missed you." She said, simply. I shrugged.

"I've been around. I haven't been anywhere." I told her, trying to keep the cold tone from my voice. Elena hasn't been around. After her parents, she couldn't deal with my losing Grams on top of that. She's made herself scarce. It's not a secret, but it hurts. She was supposed to be my closest friend. I guess things change…. It's inevitable.

"I'm sorry Bonnie; I've just been so busy. I should have made time. But we're here now." Elena told me smiling. I nodded and let her hug me again.

-.-

Caroline was just a doll. She chattered nonstop and she made sure that I was okay. But, something was different about her. Whenever Elena went back to school after she lost her parents, Caroline made sure that she was alright, but it was almost completely superficial. Caroline was different today. She's a better person now. And, as sad as it is to say, I can see myself becoming closer with her in the future, I don't know if I'll ever be able to be close with Elena again.

Tyler was even nice. He made a few cracks about how mourning did my body good, and he just lightened the mood. He told me that if I needed anything that I shouldn't hesitate to ask.

All in all, I'm glad that I went. I needed it. I needed to see my friends. That brought me to one simple conclusion that was already obvious before: Damon is good for me. He helps me do things that I can't find the strength to do alone.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Damon asked me, as he sat down on my bed next to me. I looked over at him, concentrating on him instead of my thoughts. My eyes flickered over his body. I noticed that he changed out of his clothes and into a pair of pajama pants. He's sipping bourbon. He put it on the bedside table.

"You," I told him. He smirked.

"Oh, and what about me?" He asked. I shrugged.

"You've done so much… A lot of things that I doubt I could have done without you." I told him, quietly. He softened.

"Don't sell yourself short. You're stronger than you know, Bonnie." He told me. I didn't say anything.

"I don't deserve you, Vampire." I told him, with a small smirk. He gave me a wicked smile. God, it gave me butterflies.

"I think that you've got it backwards. I don't deserve _you_." Damon corrected. I rolled my eyes and blushed. "Mm, I can't wait to corrupt you." Damon said, as he maneuvered on top of me. I exhaled, shakily. I can't turn off the lust that he creates in me.

"And how do you plan to do that?" I asked him. I couldn't look away from his eyes.

"Oh, I think vigorous foreplay should do it." He said, pressing his bottom half against me. I closed my eyes, and gasped.

"Then begin your corruption." I told him, smirking.

**Author's Note: Please review and let me know what you think. I'm not entirely sure about this chapter. **

**XOXO**

**~Anneryn**


	8. Chapter 8

Hello my wonderful lovelies!

I know that I suck as a fanfiction author, right now. Things have just been rough. You know how life is: it just keeps throwing crap at you. I just wanted everyone to know that I haven't forgotten on my stories, and I am working on them, and plan to update them all when I can. (I even have a few new stories in mind *excited face*.)

BUT, inspiration has been kind of lacking here lately, SO, if anyone has any ideas, or suggestions for my stories, just sent me a PM and I might just love you forever.

So, I figured I better put my stories on temporary hiatus. I promise it's not forever, just until I get some things (aka life, and junk) figured out. I love getting your feedback, and I know how I addicted I get to a lot of the stories on here. So, I want you to know how incredibly sorry I am that I've been lacking.

I love you all!

*Mundo amounts of hugs all around*

XOXO

~Anneryn


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long. Hope you like it. Enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS**

Chapter 7:

I opened my eyes to Damon. A girl could really get used to this. I smiled to myself and traced his cheek with a finger. He smiled at me still sleepy. He opened his eyes.

"You know, I've been thinking and I know what you need." He told me, quietly. My eyebrows rose.

"And what would that be?" I kept tracing his face.

"A road trip – just think about it… It would get you out of Mystic Falls for awhile. I think some new scenery might do you some good. We could go anywhere. I'll even drive." He smirked.

"I see Stefan being okay with it." I thought out loud. Damon grimaced.

"It doesn't matter what my overly protective, little brother thinks about this. This is about _you_. I want to do something that's good for _you_."

"It sounds nice; where'd we go?" I asked, toying with the idea.

"Somewhere you've never been before." He offered. I nodded.

"Like?"

"California – you'll love the sun there." He wiggled his eyebrows. I thought about the beach, the sun… A vacation sounds so tempting. I bit my lip and looked back at Damon. "You'd love it and you know it."

"Alright, let's go." I smiled. He grinned and grabbed me. He brought his lips crashing to mine. I smiled against his lips. "It'd be nice." I shivered against him; he nodded. "You know we still have to tell Stefan." I reminded him. He growled.

"Why do you keep bringing up the kill-joy when I'm trying to get my 'kissy face' on?" He asked, irritated. I laughed.

"I was just pointing out the obvious; sue me."

"Oh, I will. I'm suing you for… negligence. You're not paying enough attention to me. I'm demanding full payment in kissing and inappropriate touching. It starts now." He told me seriously. I giggled. He picked me up and carried me to the shower.

-.-

I felt so much better after the chapter. There's nothing like time with Damon Salvatore to make you feel alive. Now that we've had our morning fun… here's the not so fun part. We have to tell Stefan. I can almost picture his reaction and it's not pretty.

"Hey little bro," Damon greeted Stefan as we walked into the kitchen. Jenna handed me a plate of breakfast. I smiled at her appreciatively.

"What do you want Damon?" Stefan asked, warily.

"Not so much what I want… More like something I thought that you'd like to know."

"I'm listening."

"Bonnie and I are taking a road trip to California." Damon explained, smirking. Stefan went from tired to livid in exactly 0.3 seconds. He looked at me for some kind of explanation.

"I think it'd be good to get away from Mystic Falls for a little while… Somewhere there aren't so many memories. A vacation might be exactly what I need." I told him softly. Stefan seemed to maul over the idea.

"I don't like it, but I know that I can't stop you. So, I'm just going to ask you to be careful." He surrendered.

"I'll let you know where we're staying." I told him, trying to ease his worry a little bit. He nodded. He wrapped me in a tight hug.

"I'm not trying to be psychotic/protective; I just don't want you to get hurt anymore. But, I trust your judgment. So, have fun… Wear sun-block." He teased. I nodded and looked at Jenna. She gave me a sad smile.

"I think Damon's right. It'd be good for you. But, let me know when you get there, when you stop, if you're having fun, where you're staying… I need like five daily updates." She decided. I nodded. "I'm gonna miss you, Bonnie." She embraced me in a monster hug.

"I'll be back sooner than you know it." I promised. I told Jeremy and he took it harder than Stefan. I went upstairs to pack my belongings and got them settled in Damon's car. If someone had asked me months ago if I would go on a road trip with Damon Salvatore, I would have told them that they were mental. But, it's crazy how things can change. There's no one that I'd rather be with.

**Author's Note: Next chapter will be their trip to Cali. =] Reviews are welcome.**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Here's the final chapter. Enjoy.**

**I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.**

Chapter Eight:

The drive to California seemed to blur by. It's nice being able to get away from Mystic Falls for awhile. It made it easier to focus on something besides all of the memories that have been dragging me down for so long. Damon was right about this.

We spent almost all of our time on the beach. The sun seemed to rejuvenate me. I felt energized and happy. I can't remember the last time that I was this happy or I had this much fun. Damon's so good for me. I don't know what I'd do without him.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" He asked, throwing a little bit of sand my way. I made a face.

"Just you, and how much you've changed my outlook on everything."

"Oh, is that good?"

"You make me happy." I replied, against his lips.

"How happy?"

"Very." We kissed and I gladly got lost in him. Things got heated and we eventually ended up back in our suite. Somewhere along the way our clothes came off and we ended up in bed. His hands on my skin are intoxicating. I can't get enough. He was everywhere. Everything was a blur of pleasure. I could feel his mouth, his hands… it wasn't enough. "More." I coughed out. "Please. I need more."

"I'll give you anything." Damon whispered as his lips trailed down my stomach. I grabbed the sheets as he put his mouth to work. He held my hips down as I thrashed in pleasure. He didn't stop until I couldn't take anymore. I screamed his name and he looked at me, satisfied as I came down from my high. He touched his forehead to mine and waited for my breathing to regulate.

"I'm ready."

"Are you sure? We don't have to this."

"I want to. I want you to be my first." The kissing resumed and I couldn't get close enough to him. I needed to feel him. I can't explain it. He kissed me as he pushed inside of me. He was gentle and went slow. The pain faded soon and I got lost in the sensation of him.

It was nothing like I thought it would be. It was better. When it was over, we laid together.

"Bonnie, I love you. You make me feel so many things that I didn't think I was still able to feel." He whispered.

"You make me feel alive again." I kissed him. "I love you."

-.-

We spent the rest of the month in Cali before heading back to Mystic Falls. I felt ready to face anything. The past is the past and Grams is gone. I can't bring her back or changed what happened. I realize that now. I'll celebrate her life instead of mourning her death. She didn't die in vain. I'm proud I knew her.

I know it won't be easy, but I don't have to go through it alone. I have Damon.

**Author's Note: Alright guys, it's finally finished. Reviews would be great. Thanks for sticking with it.**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Alright guys, this is a mass author's note. As a lot of you probably know, fanfiction (.) net has been deleting a lot of stories without warning, and honestly, I'd hate for all of my hard work just to be deleted. With that being said, I'm not going to stop posting on this site, however, I am going to post all of my stories on my Live Journal account and on my The Writers Coffee Shop account. If you would like a link to my profiles on either of them just shoot me a private message. I have more chapters cooking, but they'll have to wait a bit so I can get everything uploaded to the other sites. Bear with me.**

**Stay excellent!**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Hey guys, alright, I know that you're probably sick of my author's notes. Truth be told, I'm kind of tired of them, too. BUT a few of you asked if I could post the links to my other profiles on here, so here are the links.**

**My Live Journal:**

ht tp (:) dreamingofdamon (.) livejournal (.) com /

**The Writer's Coffee Shop:**

ht tp (:) / www (.) thewriterscoffeeshop (.) com / library / viewuser (.) php?uid (=) 58928

**Just take out the obnoxious parenthesis and the spaces, lol. I'll probably have TWCS profile updated a lot sooner than the LJ. I really like how the TWCS has their site set up. Not a huge fan of LJ, but I just need to get used to it. Thanks for being patient, guys. I'm still going to post my stories on here, don't worry. This is just a "just-in-case" type deal.**

**Stay excellent! Much love**

**Xo Xo**

**Anneryn**


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